Teddy’s Precious Gift

We are thrilled to have author Michelle Nott with us today. This fall, her newest picture book releases, Teddy, Let’s Go!, and illustrated by Nahid Kazemi. She shares such a beautiful story about a Grandmother giving her newborn grandchild a teddy bear she made herself. Teddy takes the reader on an unforgettable adventure about love and friendship.

Tina: Thank you for visiting today, Michelle! This is a precious story to share. Whether drafting or revising, how do you know when it is necessary to show action, scene and sensory elements?

Michelle: Thanks for having me! When I’m drafting a new picture book, I write it all out as it comes to mind without stopping to really edit. Once I have the full story in front of me, I know my characters, their emotional arc, and the story arc, then I start cutting anything that would be easily shown in the illustrations. If a detail is necessary to have in an image but is not obvious from the text, then I will add an illustration note. 

Every action, scene, and sensory element must move the story forward. There is no room for extra words, no matter how beautifully written or how funny they are. It can be hard to cut favorite lines (I cut and paste them into another document to save them). But for the sake of story, only keep what is essential. 

Try to keep these questions in mind: 

Does the action add to the understanding of the character and/or move the story forward?

Does a particular scene provide essential information about the characters or forward the plot in such a way that could not be incorporated anywhere else? 

As for sensory elements, do they add to or distract from the character development or narrative?

Tina: Those are great suggestions, and often easier said than done.  Are there specific strategies, tools or resources you use to incorporate more showing/descriptive language?

Michelle: Yes, before writing picture books, I wrote and published poetry. So, I like to use poetic devices to enhance my writing. I find that having a background in poetry has helped me keep a close eye on word count and how to say as much as I can with as few words as possible. 

For example, in my debut picture book Teddy Let’s Go!, which is told from a teddy bear’s point of view, I wanted the reader to understand immediately that a grandmother has made this precious gift and that the teddy feels how much love she has given him to pass on. Without saying all that outright, my first line is simply, “The wavy-haired woman with love in her eyes pulled me close and whispered in my ear.” From that one line, the illustrator created four images, three of which lead up to it.  

Tina: What a gorgeous first line. Would you like to share an example of a before and after where you needed to show more and found the right words to paint the image for the reader?

Michelle: Of course, to follow up on my previous answer, the following lines are rather an example of where I was telling too much in a very early draft (from 2012): 

“With every paw [the grandmother] sewed, she smiled. With every arm attached, she laughed. 

And with stiff fingers, she stuffed me with all the love she had. Up into my ears. Around my belly. Down to my toes. The opening was just under my bum. She patched it with a label: 

‘Specially hand-made by Grandma.’”

All those lines became simply:

“The wavy-haired woman with love in her eyes pulled me close and whispered in my ear.”

Everything I had written in that earlier draft of this scene was long cut before I ever queried my agent. In the end, however, Nahid Kazemi’s illustrations brilliantly convey everything I had wanted to express, and without illustration notes. 

When writing stories, we must keep in mind to “show, don’t tell.” But I think we also need to remember to “show just enough, and don’t tell.” Never underestimate the imagination of the reader nor that of the illustrator.

Tina: An excellent point. The illustrations show as much heart as your writing. Your words and her art blend perfectly. Writing is about balance. How do you know you’ve got it just right? What tips or suggestions do you have for writers in terms of striving for that balance of showing versus telling?

Michelle: Storyboarding my manuscript helps me balance what to show and what to tell. Even though my characters are stick figures and my trees look like lollipops, it’s really helpful to imagine how the story could appear on the page. As I do this, I can more easily see what lines actually work best as illustrations and, therefore, do not need to be written out. There shouldn’t be any redundancy between the images and the text. 

Tina: That’s a really strong strategy. Thank you for sharing such valuable information and strategies. Wishing you and Teddy every success as his story enters the world!

Michelle Nott is a former educator (pre-K to 12, French and Creative Writing), freelance editor, published poet, and children’s book author. She writes fiction and nonfiction, in prose and verse. She has authored two early readers, Freddy, Hoppie and the Eyeglasses and Dragon Amy’s Flames. Her debut picture book, Teddy Let’s Go!, releases this fall from Enchanted Lion Books . 

Michelle grew up in the U.S. and has lived in Europe for extended periods of time. She holds American and French citizenship and is bilingual, English and French. Her extensive travel around the U.S., Europe, and Africa fuels her imagination and appreciation for story, art, and world cultures.

You can find Michelle online at:

Website

Blog

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

LinkedIn

You can pre-order your copy here:

Barnes & Noble

Bookshop

Independent Booksellers

A True Story: GOOD IN THE MIDST OF EVIL

Today we have a special guest, friend and critique partner, Yvona Fast. She shares the emotional story of her mother’s childhood experiences during the Holocaust in her upcoming middle grade book, GOOD IN THE MIDST OF EVIL, with Clear Fork Publishing. Dana Fast is one of many whose personal experiences during such a horrific time, have given her the strength she has today.

TS: Welcome, Yvona! I am so excited to read your book and hear about how your mother’s important story came to be. Her experiences help us understand our world’s history, especially such difficult times.

AF: Thank you, Tina. Yes, they really do!

When I was growing up and we studied history and the Holocaust, I would ask Mom questions – I knew she had lived through it – but she never would talk about it. It was only later, when I was in my forties that she started talking.

Her brother – who is 5 years younger – asked her to write it down for his kids, since he remembered so little, being so young. This was in the 1990s. I was in Europe working in Yugoslavia, Poland and Slovakia from 1989 – 1995, and she typed it on our friend Olga’s word processor… it wasn’t even a computer back then. I just recently came across this early draft when cleaning out the filing cabinet. 

Her friends in Poland wanted to read it – so she wrote it in Polish for them, using the same word processor… 

When I came back to the states, I read both versions – and they were not identical. She recalled different things each time. 

TS: Wow, so fascinating. I am sure after so many years, sitting down to write the difficult memories in both languages must have been very challenging.

AF: This really inspired me to want to share her story. I was living and working in Rochester, NY, then, and combined both versions into one, editing as I went. I tried submitting the story to publishers, but there was no interest. 

A few years later, in 2010, a friend of Mom’s, Andrea, asked if she could write mom’s story down. She was on the board of the Polish-Jewish Heritage Society in Montreal, Quebec, and they were looking for Holocaust stories to publish. 

We told her the story was already written – and in 2011 they published it, with only minor edits, under the title, MY NINE LIVES. When I said we wanted a thousand copies, they thought we were crazy… but we have sold most of them. The nonprofit only publishes the books, but they do not distribute them, so the only way to get a copy is either through the agency or through us. 

Mom is well-known in our community, since she has worked here and lived here and volunteered for various organizations from the local library to the Visitor’s Interpretive Center, and served as a Master Gardener Volunteer for years, giving talks on gardening, composting, preserving food, and so on. Over a hundred people came to her book release party. 

TS: She is amazing! You must be so proud of her.

AF: I really am. But I wanted a wider market for the book, beyond our small village. Since there are about a dozen books with the title MY NINE LIVES, I wanted a unique title that fit. A friend, Karen Davidson, designed a more engaging cover. These are things that are important to book marketing… the cover and the title. 

A friend offered to help me publish it through Amazon’s KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) but part-way through she dropped the project. Her Apple computer and my IBM version did not seem to work together well. That’s when I sent a copy of MY NINE LIVES to Caliie Metler of Clear Fork Publishing. She loved the book and offered to publish it under the Rise Imprint – books that empower women and teach them to rise. 

TS: Yvona, how wonderful for your mother and your family to be able to do this for her. Great thinking on your part to submit her story to Clear Fork and the RISE Imprint is a perfect fit.

AF: My mom, Dana, is definitely a strong, independent woman. Her life made her that way. 

I say she wrote the book – it is her story. She claims I wrote it. I definitely edited and improved it, but the story and voice are clearly hers. 

TS: Something tells me both of you are sharing this important history, together. We wish you every success as the release her incredible story releases Tuesday, April 5th!

Yvona Fast grew up on three continents, speaking three languages by age ten. She thought many of her challenges were due to these changes in culture, but in her forties she discovered she is neurodivergent and needs words – not pictures – to understand her world, a condition known as Nonverbal Learning Disability. 

Her love of books and language first led her to become a librarian, and later, to writing. She has written articles and essays, writes a weekly food column for her local paper, the Adirondack Daily Enterprise, and has published several books, including three poetry chapter books. Her first book, Employment for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome or Non-Verbal Learning Disability, was published in 2004 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Learn more about Yvona and her writing at www.yvonafast.com. Follow her on Twitter at yvonawrites, or on Facebook at Words Are My World or Author Yvona Fast.  

To order the book, visit:

Clear Fork Publishing

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Friendship and Empathy: Helping A Friend Who Has Experienced Trauma

Have you ever wondered how some authors take heavy topics and show their story in a way that helps others be more mindful of others’ feelings? Joanna Rowland is very experienced in this area and in her newest picture book, Big Bear Was Not The Same, she accomplishes just this! Beautifully illustrated by John Ledda, Joanna and John show readers how to be more empathetic and supportive to a friend who has experienced a traumatic event. I’m so glad Joanna could stop by to talk about her book today!

TS: Hi Joanna! Your book is such a good reminder of how to be there for someone. Whether drafting or revising, how do you know when it is necessary to show action, scene and sensory elements?

JR: One of the things I love about picture books is that illustrators can show so much through their illustrations that I don’t need to tell. I have one line, “Little Bear tried all sorts of things to cheer up Big Bear. But nothing worked.” It was so fun to see the ways illustrator John Ledda used to show Little Bear trying to cheer up Big Bear. I don’t need to tell the reader in words what was happening because they can see it in the pictures. Because the story I wrote is about trauma and responses to trauma, it was important for me to sometimes say the action. One example: “Oh, no! said Big Bear, and he ran away.” I felt it was important to say the action when it was a response to trauma to help kids better understand how someone might act when they are traumatized. In Big Bear Was Not The Same, Big Bear has been traumatized by a forest fire. When things remind Big Bear of the forest fire, he responds with fight, flight, or freeze. It was important to show Big Bear having that action when things reminded him of the fire. I think learning about how people who have PTSD respond to things, helped me know I needed to have more action scenes when Big Bear was triggered.

When I was writing the story, my critique partners were great for letting me know if it felt like something was missing. My books are always better by seeing how they respond to what I write and their feedback. 

TS: You made great decisions in those scenes especially because young kids are just learning about life and some of the difficulties they may experience. Are there specific strategies, tools or resources you use to incorporate more showing/descriptive language?  

JR: Reading picture books is a great way to learn about language and craft. I read different picture books every day. One of the fabulous perks of teaching five-year-olds. I love reading lyrical books. Cynthia Rylant does a beautiful job of using descriptive language in her books.

When I’m trying to make a word list, I like Word Hippo   https://www.wordhippo.com/

I also like looking up idioms here https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/ I find idioms can be a fun way to help me think more creatively on how I want to use words.

TS: These are terrific resources. Thank you for sharing! Would you like to share an example of a before and after where you needed to show more and found the right words to paint the image for the reader?

 JR: Sure, this is an Early draft of Big Bear text example with too much telling:

It was only a matter of time before something set off Big Bear to think and feel

like the day in the woods was happening all over.

Sometimes, a smell set off Big Bear.

And Big Bear ran away.

It was only campers having dinner. But Big Bear relived that scary moment in the woods anyway.

Final version of Big Bear text example:

Some days, Little Bear and Big Bear had good days that almost felt normal.

But one smell could change it all.

SNIFF

Big Bear froze. 

“Don’t worry, Big Bear. It’s just kids making s’mores. You’re so big and brave. Nothing can scare you. Right?”

But Big Bear shivered.

Little Bear worried. “Do you want a hug?”

But Big Bear didn’t answer.

TS: I love the difference between the two versions. Much more emotion and heart in your final version! How do you know you’ve got it just right? What tips or suggestions do you have for writers in terms of striving for that balance of showing versus telling?

JR: I do learn from rejections. Pre agent, I used to send things out too soon occasionally, and if they didn’t connect emotionally, I knew I needed to go back to find the heart. My critique group is great at letting me know when I’ve hit that right emotional chord. So, if you aren’t in a critique group, find one. They are so valuable. Honestly some books can take me years to get right, and some weeks. Explore different structures with how to write your book, try writing it in different points of view, and revise. Big Bear took quite a few drafts because I wrote it in 3^rd person and most of my other published books have been written in 1^st person, so it was a learning curve for me to think about dialogue and how to write the action scenes in the book. Sometimes it’s okay to tell. I felt it was important to say the words, “Big Bear froze,” because freezing is one of the responses people have when they have been through a traumatic event. But I think leaving more room for the illustrator whenever possible, makes for a stronger book.  See how other authors show the balance in published books. You will learn so much from reading. What showed the action? Was it dialogue, text, or the illustration? Have fun and don’t be afraid to experiment. Copy your manuscript and practice deleting chunks to see if it’s better with or without. Sometimes less words, is more powerful. But most importantly, keep trying

TS: Critique partners are those objective eyes and ears. Reading other books is such a great habit to develop, I agree. Wishing you continued success with Big Bear, Little Bear and future books. Thank you for stopping by!

Joanna Rowland grew up in Sacramento, California, where she still lives today with her husband and three children. She teaches kindergarten by day and writes picture books at night. In the summer you’ll find her by water or cozying up with a book. She is the author of The Memory Box: A Book about Grief; The Memory Book: A Grief Journal for Children and Families; Stay Through The Storm; When Things are Hard, Remember; and Always Mom, Forever Dad.

You can find Joanna online at:

Website: https://www.writerrowland.com/

Twitter: @WriterRowland  

Instagram:  @writerrowland 

Facebook: Joanna Rowland

The Wonder of Words Update Part 2

This is part two of “Goodness me – where did those three years go?” As I mentioned in my previous post a few months ago, Candice, Gabrielle, Sandra, Tina, Yvona and I met through Julie Hedland’s 12 Days of Christmas and started a picture book critique group in 2017. Nine months later we started The Wonder of Words blog. I asked everyone to reflect on how far they’d come in their writing and reading since we started the blog. Candice, Yvona and Gabrielle’s answers are in my previous post and Sandra’s, Tina’s and mine are in this post. I hope you enjoy our reflections.

I asked everyone these questions:

1. Compared to where you were two and a half years ago, how has your writing evolved?
2. Compared to where you were two and a half years ago, how has your reading evolved?
3. What is the biggest thing you have learned over the past two and a half years?
4. Do you have any advice for readers and/or writers of children’s literature?

SANDRA

So much has changed in two and a half years – both personally and professionally – that I feel like a completely different writer at this point. This is partly due to an evolution in my writing style and experiences as a published author. However, it is also from the changes 2020 brought to my life and the new adventure I embarked on when opening Gnome Road Publishing earlier this year. I am a more efficient writer now (by necessity), more clearly tuned-in to the development of characters and story arc, and more patient with the publishing process. This critique group, and the support of other fabulous critique partners, were huge confidence boosts when I needed it most and a driving force behind improvements in my written work. 

I still read a lot of different stories, but now these are not only books from the library or my children’s bookshelves, but also in the form of hundreds of manuscripts submissions at Gnome Road Publishing. I also provide picture book critique services as time allows, which is to say, not very often at this point. And then, of course, there are the books sitting on my nightstand that cover non “work-related” subjects that have always interested me such as psychology, neuroscience, biological or natural disasters, and historical mysteries/treasures. Every once in a while, I might pile on something to do with law and ethics.

I don’t know that there is a single “biggest” thing I’ve learned during this time. But patience has certainly become my friend, in a love-hate sort of way. Although I still struggle with patience, it is definitely something I have learned to use (embrace?) more wisely now. 

My advice to other writers (and illustrators!) is to be open. Open to possibilities. Open to changes. Open to other people with other ways of seeing things. This will give you the greatest opportunity to grow.” 

TINA

During the last two and a half years, I have taken several writing courses, read many books, critiqued many manuscripts, and written more of my own. All of these activities have helped take my writing to a new levels. I have really dug deeper into a few genres that I would like to create more stories for. Picture books, chapter books and nonfiction are all very different yet have unlimited opportunities to share unique stories. Looking at story structures, reading other author blog posts, participating in professional writing groups continue to help me develop my skills. This past year, I became an agented writer which has introduced me to another community of writers within the industry and I am learning so much.

I continue to learn that writing is a journey that takes time. In the beginning, I wrote stories and truly improved them to the point that I felt I was ready to begin querying. Like so many others, I now look back and realize I was not as ready as I thought. I needed to develop and define my skills more. This all takes practice, patience, persistence, and passion. We all lead very busy lives and adding the desire to write for children is no small task. I continue to learn writing is one piece of a much broader picture as you also need to learn marketing, participate in writing groups, which all take time. Using a separate planner just for writing tasks to organize my weeks separate from my family or teaching planner has helped so much!

As you start your writing journey always remember your “why”. The road is filled with ups and downs, and believe it or not this is a great thing. It is through these that you learn so much about yourself. Be patient. Everything will fall into place over time. Become a part of some wonderful online writing groups and meet other authors. It truly takes a village to become a writer. So many others, in classes and in critique groups, have helped me when I did not know which way to turn. I enjoy doing the same for others because it is awesome to see others reach their dreams. There are so many incredibly talented people in this community to learn from.

KATHY

And now I get to answer the questions I posed to the others. My writing is continually evolving as I discover more about my own voice and read the great variety of voices from other writers. In fact voice has become a prime consideration not only in my own writing but also in my clients’ writing and in the writing of those who submit to my publishing house, Pavlova Press. Which brings me to two major new writing directions for me: not only have I become a publisher, but I have also left my teaching role at the local polytechnic where I taught creative writing and now work with clients from all around the world helping them write their own novels with a strong focus on voice.

When I’m not reading submissions for Pavlova Press or the work of my clients, I am reading middle grade novels and non-fiction, primarily around psychology. There has been one diversion from this: Uprooted by Naomi Novik which is a glorious and original fantasy novel with a strong voice.

It will come as no surprise that the biggest thing I have learned over the past two and a half years is all around voice. I have been working with this concept for a long time and it is only in the last couple of years that it has all clicked into place. I have also discovered a concept that I call The Itch which is at the very heart of every story and the very reason a particular story has to be written. It goes beyond theme and idea, although it could be one or other of those, and goes to the very heart of the writer. I am not the first person to realise this I’m sure, but it has been a very exciting discovery.

In general, I am working to become someone who gives less advice and who listens more, so the fact that I asked the question about what advice we can offer is intriguing. Let me answer my advice question with a thought rather than advice: at some point you will have far more tools than you actually need to write your story, to the point that learning just one more thing becomes a wonderful distraction to writing. STOP! Stop collecting tools and just start writing. If you find there’s something else you genuinely need to learn, you can come back to it later once you know what it is.

~THE PITCH IT TO ME CHALLENGE~

Welcome back, everyone! The next Pitch It to Me Challenge is here! It’s incredible how fast time flies when you are having fun (or … when you have two kids at home doing remote instruction, which isn’t fun, but it does leave me wondering what happened to the hours in a day).

Before moving on to our new challenge, let’s revisit the results of the last challenge where author Laura Roettiger pitched her work against guest pitcher Tina Shepardson (yes, our very own Tina, who is now a published author with her debut picture book, WALKOUT), and me. I am proud to say that my pitch hit a home run and took first place. But the real winner here is Laura, who now has three wonderful pitches to choose from. Thank you to Laura and Tina for participating!

For this round, we have author Natalie Cohn pitching her imaginative work-in-progress, GRAND DUCHESS TANGLED GALORE. I just learned that Natalie lives fairly close to me, so I am excited to have a fellow Kentuckian featured here on our blog. Welcome, Natalie!

As if Natalie hadn’t made it hard enough, up at bat as our guest star pitcher is Lisa Rogers, author of two awesome picture books you don’t want to miss out on. Her debut, 16 WORDS: WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS AND “THE RED WHEELBARROW” is a Junior Library Guild selection and won a Bank Street Best Book of the Year 2020. So you know what that means … Lisa knows a thing or two about pitches!

And now for the challenge! Take a look at the three pitches in the voting box. They are in no particular order so you’ll never know whose is whose (the author’s, mine, or our special guest-star pitcher). Vote for your favorite, and if you are so inclined, leave a comment, too. We love hearing from our readers!

You have until October 31, 2020, to cast your vote. Please vote only once, but feel free to tell your friends about us and get them in on the action.

About Natalie:

Natalie Cohn attended the University of Louisville, majored in Art History and Humanities. Natalie is a 2nd year member of the SCBWI, joined Story Storm 2019, two years in 12×12, a recurring graduate of Children’s Book Academy, and is taking a Writing Barn class. She’s a part of the KidLit community, SubClub, and several other social writing groups on Facebook and Twitter. Natalie attended the MidSouth SCBWI conference in 2019, and she is part of five critique groups. Natalie loves being creative, crafty, and getting messy, and her goals are to inspire kids to read. She reads a lot of children’s books and enjoys bringing imagination to life through her stories. Fiction books have always been her favorite, and now she enjoys reading with her three minions.

Connect with Natalie on Twitter @CohnNatalie, and on her website: https://mady1230.wixsite.com/natabook

About Lisa: 

Lisa is a children’s author, elementary school librarian and former reporter and editor. Her debut picture book, 16 WORDS: WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS AND “THE RED WHEELBARROW” (Schwartz & Wade, 2019), received starred reviews from Kirkus & Publishers Weekly, is a Junior Library Guild selection, a Bank Street Best Book of the Year, and an SCBWI Crystal Kite Award Finalist. Her second picture book, HOUND WON’T GO (Albert Whitman & Company, 4/2020), is also available through the link provided below.

A native of the New Jersey shore, Lisa lives outside Boston with her family and is a four-time runner of the Boston Marathon. She loves to garden, kayak, paint, and have adventures with her trailblazing coonhound, Tucker.

Connect with Lisa on her website at: lisarogerswrites.com

Or follow her on Twitter @LisaLJRogers

Support Lisa by ordering her books! Just click on the image to go directly to the publisher’s website!

 

 

 

 

 

CLOSING REMARKS:

Thanks once again to all of our Pitch it To Me participants! You keep bringing your best to the plate and make us all winners. Until next time . . .

Writing Is Mining- featuring Beth Anderson

Hello Everyone!

I hope this blog post finds you all having a great summer in our new normal. Today I am thrilled to have Beth Anderson as our featured guest. As you know, she is an accomplished writer focusing on narrative nonfiction and historical fiction picture books. Her quote “Writing is Mining” holds such truth. She describes writing in these genres as digging for those special memories, emotions, and meaning. Beth has wonderful strategies for showing in these areas.

TS: Beth, thank you so much for being our guest today and congratulations on your October release of “Smelly” Kelly and His Super Senses: How James Kelly’s Nose Saved the New York City Subway. Whether drafting or revising, how do you know when it is necessary to show action, scene and sensory elements?

BA: Thank you so much for inviting me to share some thoughts on the essential “show vs. tell.”

I believe in action wherever it makes sense – the more the better. Keeping the characters active keeps the reader turning pages. Actions reveal character so it’s a huge part of the emotional arc. But there also has to be the flow in and out, along with weaving in needed context. Constant action for the sake of action is exhausting! 

Scenes carry the emotional arc of the main character as well as the plot. They move the story forward, stepping-stones in the character’s transformation that build to the story’s end. If a scene doesn’t serve that purpose, then it needs to go or be revised to carry a piece of the emotional arc. Sometimes, even “internal” scenes can be active. Here’s an example from Lizzie Demands a Seat with the additional challenge of required context:

She eyed empty seats. Despite being born a “free black” in a “free state,” she’d never been treated as equal. She’d been rejected, restricted, and refused by schools, restaurants, and theaters. Suddenly late-for-church wasn’t as important as late-for-equality. Lizzie stood firm.

Passengers murmured.

Horses snorted.

Pedestrians gathered.

Finally, the driver held up the reins. “We need to go.”

Scenes play out best with action, and if you can use action to transition between scenes, do that, too. “Smelly” Kelly and His Super Senses, releasing Oct. 13, was a huge challenge regarding transitions between scenes. There was so little information on James Kelly’s days in the NYC subway, all I had were anecdotes with the potential to be priceless scenes. I had to find a way to organize them with a special “heart” thread and effectively transition between scenes to avoid an “episodic” feel. Here’s an example of an active transition that lets us pause with the character and progress to the next scene:

“Exhausted, he paused and peered through the crowd gathered at the movie poster. Even superheroes needed help.”

And here’s an example from An Inconvenient Alphabet where I used imagery to actively transition. Instead of saying that Noah Webster wanted to reform American English spelling, it became:

“Armed with the twenty-six letters of the English alphabet everyone knew and loved, Noah launched a spelling revolution—ready to turn “rong” spelling into “rite.””

Sensory elements enrich the reading experience by inviting readers into the moment, immersing them in the setting, and connecting readers to characters on multiple levels. As you will see in “Smelly” Kelly’s story, I use sensory elements liberally!

TS: Are there specific strategies, tools or resources you use to incorporate more    showing/descriptive language?

 

I use the online thesaurus a lot. If you can find just the right word, it can make an illustration note or other words unnecessary. For instance, recently I replaced “took” with “claimed.” It made a huge difference—adding attitude.

I can’t resist onomatopoeia. But besides sounds, I also ask myself – What would that look like? In “Smelly” Kelly, there are lots of stinks. Instead of trying to describe the stink in the New Yorker Hotel, it was more fun to show the reaction to the smell.

“Maids pinched their noses. Guests fled. Engineers analyzed and pondered, but they couldn’t figure out where the leak was coming from.”

I also try to “show” emotions, especially what cannot be shown easily by an illustrator. When Kelly realizes he’s not doing enough, I tried to show that feeling of inadequacy:

A broken steam line blasted water pipes.

Kelly shook his head. Someone could’ve been burned. Sniffing wasn’t enough. He needed to listen, to hear sounds no one else heard.

There’s some physical movement there, but mostly I take you inside Kelly’s head. And that’s another powerful way to achieve more showing. Many writers call it psychic distance. Once I learned about it, my writing changed and became more immediate. The example above doesn’t say “he thought” or “he scolded himself” or “he realized.” Cutting the “head verbs” eliminates that filter between the reader and the character. It’s like the difference between indirect speech (He told me to stop.) and direct speech (STOP!). If you go straight to the words or realization or thought, the reader feels it as the character, and it eliminates the “telling.”

TS: Would you like to share an example of a before and after where you needed to show  more and found the right words to paint the image for the reader?

BA: Sure! I looked back at an early version of “Smelly” Kelly and His Super Senses. Here’s one line that was very “telling”:

“He settled into an apartment and took a job with the subway.”

Because that involved an action (took a job in the subway) that set off the whole story, I needed to show motivation and the emotion behind that decision. It evolved into a scene with “showing” and delightful illustrations:

James set out to find a job, but, as always, his incredible nose proved troublesome.

Fish market—no!

Sanitation—no!

Meat packing—NO!

He felt a rumble below the sidewalk and peered through the grate. The damp air bristled with mystery.

TS: Writing is about balance. How do you know you’ve got it just right? What tips or suggestions do you have for writers in terms of striving for that balance of showing versus telling?

BA: Generally, I think showing appears in scenes and telling in transitions. Emotion and important action pieces require showing. That’s what keeps your story alive, where you want the reader to connect. Telling can speed up the narrative to get to the good stuff, but too much can bog it down. Showing and telling are intertwined with pacing, characterization, and point of view. It’s truly a complicated dance. When I researched to prepare a presentation on point of view and really examined how it works in a picture book, I found that the “camera” goes in and out—and that in and out is achieved with showing and telling, and also involves “proximity.” Just another reason to read and analyze LOTS of books!

TS: Wow, Beth! You have given so much to think about. Your knowledge and command over the elements are so strong and comes through your writing vividly. Thank you!

 

Beth Anderson, author of Lizzie Demands a Seat, An Inconvenient Alphabet, and “Smelly” Kelly and His Super Senses, is drawn to stories that open minds, touch hearts, and inspire questions. A former educator who has always marveled at the power of books, she hopes that voices from the past will help children discover their own. Beth has more historical gems on the way!

Learn more about Beth and her amazing books at:

Website: bethandersonwriter.com 

Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram: @Bandersonwriter

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beth.anderson.33671748

signed copies of books available from Old Firehouse Books

~THE PITCH IT TO ME CHALLENGE~

Welcome back, everyone! It’s time again for another Pitch It to Me Challenge! Actually, it’s a few days past the time, but if you are like me and just finishing up remote learning with two young kids at home, then getting anything done at all is an accomplishment.

And speaking of accomplishments, let’s revisit the results of the last challenge where author Kaylynn Johnsen pitched her work against guest pitcher Nancy Churnin and me. This is the first challenge with a tie for first place AND the third-place pitch was only one vote behind. I will officially declare Kaylynn the winner since she now has three pitches that are all equally pleasing to our readers. Thank you to Kaylynn and Nancy for participating!

For this round, we have author Laura Roettiger pitching her STEM-loaded work-in-progress, MY SISTER THE SCIENTIST. I met Laura through 12×12, just like my WONDERful critique partners on this blog, and we’ve been supporting one another through the ups and downs of the publishing process ever since. I’m so excited to have her here!

Strolling on up to the plate as our guest star pitcher is our very own Tina Shepardson, who is about to dive onto the picture book scene with her debut, WALKOUT, later this summer. She also has a chapter book on the way that all dog lovers won’t want to miss. It’s sure to be a home run.

And now for the challenge! Take a look at the three pitches in the voting box. They are in no particular order so you’ll never know whose is whose (the author’s, mine, or our special guest-star pitcher). Vote for your favorite, and if you are so inclined, leave a comment, too. We love hearing from our readers!

You have until August 1, 2020, to cast your vote. Please vote only once, but feel free to tell your friends about us and get them in on the action.

 

About Laura:

Laura Roettiger is the author of ALIANA REACHES FOR THE MOON and has enjoyed working with children ever since she was no longer considered a child herself. She was a reading specialist and elementary teacher in Chicago, IL before moving to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado where she worked in Environmental Education and as a mentor for new teachers for two years at a STEM school. She is a judge for Rate Your Story, works with third grade classrooms through #KidsNeedMentors, tutors adults in the Boulder Reads Literacy program at the Boulder Public Library, and works with BookstoKids, a Colorado based literacy nonprofit. Her superpower is encouraging curiosity in children and her students, letting them know she believes in them. She has three children of her own whose curiosity and creativity led all of them into STEM related professions.

Find Laura at her website: https://lauraroettigerbooks.com/

Purchase ALIANA REACHES FOR THE MOON through your local indie bookstore OR:

Eifrig Publishing

Amazon

About Tina: 

Tina is an award-winning teacher and debut picture book author of WALKOUT(2019) and CANINES UNLEASHED(2021), both with Clear Fork Publishing. She is a Debut Picture Book Study Group moderator and an active member of SCBWI and 12×12. Find her in Upstate New York with her family enjoying the latest snowstorm.

Find Tina at: www.tinashepardson.com, www.instagram.com/hank_madeleine/, www.facebook.com/TinaMShepardson/, or twitter.com/ShepardsonTina

Pre-Order WALKOUT through your local indie bookstore

OR at:

Clear Fork Publishing

Barnes & Noble

Amazon

CLOSING REMARKS:

Thank you to all our wonderful authors who continue to step up to the plate for these challenges. I couldn’t do it without you! (Literally. I really couldn’t.) Until next time . . .

 

 

 

 

Welcome to Debut Author Jolene Gutiérrez

Hello Everyone,

We hope this blog post finds you all safe and healthy during this very uncertain time. Recently, I had the opportunity and privilege to speak with Jolene Gutiérrez about her two debut books. I first met Jolene in the Children’s Book Academy where we both took Mira Reisberg’s amazing picture book course. For both for us, this class has changed our lives. Jolene’s first release is the adorable picture book entitled Mac and Cheese and the Personal Space Invader, releasing on August 11, 2020, with Clear Fork Publishing. Her second is Bionic Beasts, a middle-grade nonfiction book releasing October 6, 2020, with Lerner/Millbrook Press. What an exciting time for this very hardworking mother and full-time librarian who, by the way, is also remotely teaching at this time.

TS: Welcome Jolene! Thank you for taking the time to share some of your writing strategies. Whether drafting or revising, how do you know when it is necessary to show action, scene and sensory elements?

JG: What a great question! When I’m revising my story, if I can’t visualize a scene or if the story is “sagging” in some way, I look at these elements. Action, scene, and sensory elements might show up in my writing when I’m drafting, but I try to focus on them during my various rounds of revision. With middle-grade fiction where I have the luxury of using more words, I work to make sure scenes are very sensory in order to connect readers to the story—so that students who might struggle to visualize things have some sensory connection that will draw them in. With picture books, though, I think some of the scene and sensory elements can be left to the illustrator.

And action is so important! I’m the school librarian at a school for diverse learners and have a large ADHD population. When I’m writing, I think of the action-packed, information-filled, or funny books that hook my students as readers and try to emulate that style. When I’m revising, I tend to set my manuscript aside a bit and work on other projects. When I come back to my manuscript with fresh eyes, I read chapters aloud to myself and try to ensure that there is a purpose to every character, every setting, and every scene—that they are all working together to move the story forward.

TS: Are there specific strategies, tools, or resources you use to incorporate more descriptive language?

JG: I try to put myself in my character’s shoes even if the story isn’t first-person, I try to involve the senses as much as possible, and I like to use dialogue to put the reader (and myself) in the scene. I also use passive verbs a lot in early drafts and try to catch that in revision and switch to active verbs.

TS: Could you share an example of a before and after where you needed to show more and found the right words to paint the image for the reader?

JG: Sure! Our words are so limited and the story is so dependent on illustrations in picture books, so finding an example was a little challenging, but here’s a scene we can compare:

Early draft of Mac and Cheese and the Personal Space Invader:

During snack time, I sit next to Nina. When I lean close to see what she’s eating, she moves away.

Published version of Mac and Cheese and the Personal Space Invader:

At snack time, I sit next to Nina, squeezing in close, just like Mac and Cheese do. Nina frowns and leans away.

We’re in first person for both of the scenes, but I think the published version is more powerful because language like “squeezing in close” puts the reader in the scene. We’re also reminded that Oliver, our main character, gets close to Nina because squeezing in next to a friend is something classroom guinea pigs Mac and Cheese would do. Also, in the old version, Nina “moves away,” but in the published version, she “frowns and leans away,” which is more descriptive and hints at her emotions.

TS: Writing is about balance. How do you know you’ve got it just right? What tips or suggestions do you have for writers in terms of striving for that balance of showing versus telling?

JG: I’d say show us as much as possible—put us in that scene so we feel like we’re experiencing the story! But there are some things you just have to tell us or your book will be unnecessarily long. We don’t need to experience every hour of every day with characters, for example, or showing would become tedious. Telling is a great way to quickly impart information to the reader, and sometimes that immediacy is needed to keep the momentum going in a story.

TS: Thank you so much Jolene for sharing your tips and strategies. I love how writers have such a variety of different techniques to convey their stories.

Below is Jolene’s contact information, bio, and links to preorder her terrific new books! Congratulations Jolene!

Bio: Jolene grew up on a farm in northeastern Colorado and now lives in a suburb of Denver, where she’s been a school librarian for 25 years. She spends her days sharing children’s books and her nights writing them. She’s a wife of 21 years and a mama to two teenage humans and three preteen dogs. Jolene is an active member of SCBWI and The Author’s Guild, a We Need Diverse Books mentorship finalist and a Writing with the Stars mentee. She is the author of Mac and Cheese and the Personal Space Invader (Clear Fork, 2020) and Bionic Beasts: Saving Lives with Artificial Flippers, Legs, and Beaks (Lerner, 2020). Learn more at www.jolenegutierrez.com.

Facebook: facebook.com/writerjolene

Twitter: twitter.com/writerjolene

Instagram: instagram.com/writerjolene

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/writerjolene

Pinterest: pinterest.com/writerjolene

 

Preorder Links:

Mac and Cheese and the Personal Space Invader:

https://www.clearforkpublishing.com/store/p149/personalspaceinvader.html# 

Bionic Beasts:

https://www.amazon.com/Bionic-Beasts-Saving-Artificial-Flippers/dp/1541589408/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=bionic+beasts+jolene&qid=1587390720&sr=8-2

Welcome Laura Roettiger! Celebrating Aliana Reaches For The Moon

 

July 20th marks the 50th anniversary of the moon landing! Here to celebrate and share her beautiful STEM picture book, Aliana Reaches For The Moon, is debut author Laura Roettiger! Her strategies for showing this important and lyrically written story are excellent.

TS: Thank you Laura for joining our blog today!

LR: Thank you for asking me to participate in your blog! I appreciate the opportunity to share about my writing process.

TS: Whether drafting or revising, how do you know when it is necessary to show action, scene and sensory elements?

LR: The common wisdom of show don’t tell doesn’t mean that there should be only showing in your writing. The way I think about it is I’m trying to paint a picture (setting) and demonstrate an emotion or desire (plot and character) with my words. I draft with these things in mind but revision is where the magic of lyrical language, page turns, and showing comes together. I think about how each page needs to move the story forward both with words and illustrations. Imagine a book where every page looks the same. That would be really boring.

TS: Are there specific strategies, tools or resources you use to incorporate more          showing/descriptive language?

LR: I use thesaurus.com to see if there are stronger words when I revise at the word level. I read my work aloud and even more importantly, I have someone else read it for me so I can hear how it sounds. Picture books and poetry are meant to be read aloud. How it sounds (think alliteration, think musical) is very important. I try to get rid of as many adjectives as I can, because most of them can be shown in the illustrations. I read at least ten new picture books each week. I look for mentor texts, books that have something I can learn from as I write mine.

TS: Would you like to share an example of a before and after where you needed to show more and found the right words to paint the image for the reader?

“Once upon a time there was a girl named Aliana. She lived in a cabin in the woods near the top of a mountain peak.”

Above was the original first line of what became ALIANA REACHES FOR THE MOON. It started like a fairy tale which wasn’t necessary. It tells you she’s a girl but the illustration and the name can show you that. It doesn’t give you the important information of a specific setting (Rocky Mountains) or talk about the night sky and how the light of the full moon is the inciting incident. After many revisions, the opening words (only one word less and more lyrical with more information that paints a picture of the setting:

“Aliana lives in the Rocky Mountains where the night sky holds more stars than you can dream of and the moon shimmers like gold.”

 

BIO:

Laura Roettiger is the author of Aliana Reaches for the Moon, a picture book that draws inspiration from the moon and the curiosity of children. She has enjoyed working with children ever since she was no longer considered a child herself. She was a reading specialist and elementary teacher in Chicago, IL before moving to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado where she worked in Environmental Education and is now a mentor for literacy at a STEM school. Her superpower is encouraging curiosity in children and letting them know she believes in them. She has three children of her own whose curiosity and creativity led them into STEM related professions. Laura is an active member of SCBWI, Julie Hedlund’s 12×12 Picture Book Challenge and a judge for Rate Your Story.

Website: LauraRoettigerBooks.com

Blog: https://lauraroettigerbooks.com/blog/

Aliana Reaches for the Moon

Facebook Page

Twitter: @ljrwritenow

Instagram @AlianaReachesfortheMoon or @ljrwritenow

April Is National Poetry Month

Happy National Poetry Month Everyone!

There is no better way to honor this month and continue our journey of showing versus telling than through the eyes of wonderful poets. Here to share her personal experiences and expertise is Amy Losak. I am so excited to feature her unique and special publishing journey.

 

 

H IS FOR HAIKU

I’ve learned that with picture books, the best creative approach is to “show” more than “tell,” and to leave enough “white space” for the illustrator to complete the story.

In many ways, it’s the same with haiku poetry.

Haiku is the briefest form of poetry, yet arguably the most expansive. It’s delightfully challenging to write, and it takes study, practice, and revision. A lot has to be “packed” into few words, to allow the reader to enter the poem as creative collaborators, and “complete” it. Each word matters.

Sydell Rosenberg’s haiku for children do just this. I view them as stories in miniature –“word-pictures” – so young readers can fill in the ideas and images presented in the words with their own imaginations. And Sawsan Chalabi, the illustrator for H IS FOR HAIKU, also had plenty of room to “play” with these piquant poetic texts. Take note of her approach, which complements the words with visual wit, energy, and joy!

Take this award-winning haiku for example (it was first published in 1968, I believe!):

So pale – it hardly sat

    on the outstretched branch

      of the winter night.

Over the years, “So pale” has become one of my favorites. It’s tranquil and mysterious – maybe even majestic. This haiku conjures not just a picture of almost other-worldly repose, but a feeling, I hope, of serenity.

What is “it,” exactly? Ah ha – that’s the whole point. Sawsan’s sweet illustration depicts a friendly-faced moon, which is perfect. But “it” could be anything the reader wants to place on that “outstretched” (arm-like?) branch. Could “it” be an owl or another bird – or a squirrel? A cat? Snow? Raindrops? A child? “It” could be any or all these things – and more. There are no limits. There are no wrong answers!

Another old haiku I’ve loved for a long time is:

Adventures over

     the cat sits in the fur ring

        of his tail, and dreams.

This poem captures a moment in time and place. What has happened earlier to tucker out this sleeping kitty? What “adventures” did he have? Was he gallivanting around outdoors? Or was he inside, observing life through a window from a comfy couch cushion (like our amber-eyed, new young cat, Winnie)? Is he dreaming about his busy day’s antics? What will he do when he awakes? Will his adventures continue? What will they be like?

And is he content? He must be, tucked within the safety of his tail. Indeed, note that “fur ring” rhymes with “purring” – this is a deliberate word choice.

There’s a complete story in this poetic “snapshot” … and it’s one in which readers can have fun figuring out what comes before – and also after. They can make this small moment big!

Syd was a charter member of the Haiku Society of America in 1968 in New York City, and also a teacher. I think she determined pretty early in her haiku writing career that some of her poems would appeal to kids. The language she used is simple but striking (a hallmark of haiku). Her poems are designed to build small worlds for kids to revel in, and they build vocabulary, as well.

My journey to publish mom’s old manuscript (some of which I edited) has been a long and nonlinear one, marked by delays, deviations (some delightful, but others painful), and distractions. She died suddenly in 1996. Her writings had been well-anthologized, and she had a number of accomplishments to be proud of. But her dream to publish a kids’ book – despite several submission attempts – went unfulfilled.

But once I got my act in gear, around 2015, the path to publication was relatively quick! I signed with Penny Candy Books in the latter half of 2016, and H IS FOR HAIKU was released on April 10, 2018 (National Poetry Month).

Along the way, I started to better understand Syd’s restless, and at the same time mindful, approach to life and its daily, sometimes unpredictable, small adventures. When my mom was alive, sadly, I took a lot of her mindset for granted. But I and her loved ones always knew how much her literary life meant to her.

I now write and publish my own short poems – mom’s legacy (and other poets, as well), has conferred this gift. This makes me happy, of course, but it’s the process that is most important. I consider myself an eternal beginner. I always seem to be in a rush, and I’m continually distracted. I am still learning to slow down and linger over little slices of life, so I can enjoy and celebrate them. Each “life-slice” is evanescent and unique. Too quickly, it’s gone forever. There can be magic in those moments, if only we take the time and discipline to notice.

This is the lesson I’ve learned from my mom, and I hope it shines through in H IS FOR HAIKU.

pastel pond …

    the iris of her eyes

       staring back at me

If you would like to get in touch with Amy:

FB: https://www.facebook.com/amy.losak

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amy-losak-836b686

 

By Amy Losak; Publication Credits: Read, Learn and be Happy blog, April 17, 2017; They Gave Us Life: Celebrating Mothers, Fathers & Others in Haiku, anthology edited by Robert Epstein, 2017